Thursday, July 29, 2010

Dare ... to Dive In

No, I won’t do it, she thought.  
I want to see what will happen.  What will become of them.  
There’s something special in them ... 
It returned.  
Fully formed like Athena sprung from the head of Zeus.  
But it's not beautiful like that Roman Goddess, 
and she's not fully armed and ready to lead in battle.  

Carol begins her chemo on Monday.  
She is fully armed for battle and has even posted 
a rallying cry on her cancer website.
I’ve decided to journey with her and channel that moxy. 
I’ll revisit the scene of my battle and post journal entries from 
that time in my life, just a couple of years ago.  
So ... Why would that take moxy, guts, nerve? 
Because cancer wasn’t the biggest battle.  
For that I received the accompanying Medal of Honor.  
For that I constantly receive a warm congratulatory smile 
accompanied by the concerned follow-up, how are you now? 

My biggest battle was with the Dirty D.  Depression.  
For that one most often receives a kind but confused smile 
accompanied by a veiling over the eyes and a murmered 
something-or-other followed by a change of topic.  
Unless ... one has faced the Dirty D.  
But even then ... shhh quietly echoes in our heads 
... shhh -- someone might hear! 
The discomfort and reticence to talk about Depression
are shadowy residuals of a shame 
 that is still present in our culture.  

!!!Thank God cancer is no longer a topic of shame and silence!!!  
Someday I hope the same to be true for depression.

Today I begin my battle against any lingering shame of depression.   
It will take place on three fronts:  
   The Cancer-Radiation Arena with posts from my cancer journals 
   The Anxiety-Depression Arena with past and present reflections
   Continued posts on the Spiritual Arena with creative whimsical images
I hope you’ll join me and post your comments.  
Go ahead!  You can always post anonymously if you prefer.  
And yes, you can still email me privately.
Ohhhhhh CrapCrapCRAP!!!  Lost EvERY WoRD of this POst!!!  
Fine!  I’ll re-write and re-post!!!   Hah.  First battle.  Won it. 
Here goes the post and the image I just created.


Silly Girl #2 said...

Thank you for addressing Depression. To tame the dragon one must call it by it's name

Amy S. said...

ginny-i'm diving in with you. the dirty d won't get me either. let's be in touch soon. -amy

Anonymous said...

Depression is what I fear most. Congratulations on achieving its retreat!

Anonymous said...

Whoops. Forgot that if I was signing in as anonymous for a comment I should add my name, so as not to be all Creepy Stalker.

Mary Ann dimand

Anonymous said...

I think talking openly about depresson helps fight it. I feel like I'm on top of my depression, but I do think about it lurking inside of me and wonder if and when it will raise its ugly head again.

Ginny Bettendorf said...

Anonymous, my next post is dedicated to you ... I've had that fear too ... it sometimes subsides when I name and then mentally take on my warrior yoga poses ... cheers to positive use of warrior, battle, and metaphors!

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